THE CELEBRATION OF “INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS”

In previous posts I have highlighted the increasing importance of opening discussion concerning the mixed-race individual. Now I place focus on a related concept; the mixed relationship. Commentary on what is referred to as interracial relationships seems to be unavoidable, especially now that social networks have provided an expansive platform to discuss relationships. Whether it is a post about an interracial celebrity couple, or an offhand tweet regarding a mixed couple seen on the street, the subject of mixed relationships is certainly not a taboo one. As an individual who was born out of and is now in such a relationship, I can’t help but react emotionally and cognitively to most of the remarks I hear or read.

The overwhelming majority of responses to interracial relationships are positive. Many people celebrate them, and view them as an expression of cultural harmony. I understand why the concept – personal unity of distinct ethnicities – can be seen as evidence of increased acceptance, diversity and general social accordance. However, a huge portion of the celebratory comments I read are not talking about the concept. More often than not, it is a specific relationship which is under focus, two human beings. Viewing a relationship between two individuals as an expression of cultural harmony is problematic. In doing this, the relationship is reduced from all of its many human qualities to simply the ethnicities in question. The individuals themselves are reduced to their races. This in itself is the seed of racism. To me it is bizarre when people see a photo of a random interracial couple and rave about how “adorable” or “beautiful” they are. It would make sense if we knew the mechanics of their relationship, the human aspects; the care they have for each other or the gestures they make or the relief they provide for each other. Instead, it is obvious that the only thing that has sparked the comments is the ethnicities seen. Thus the individuals are reduced to their races. Once you have reduced someone to such a narrow component of their identity, you have opened them up to the potential for strong racial stereotyping. Hence the relationships themselves are often perceived and understood in stereotypical terms. This overt simplification of an intricate human relationship can often be extremely patronising, irritating or hurtful for those in it. I usually feel this way when people I hardly know comment on either my relationship or my that of my parents in a way that I am convinced they would not do for a mono-ethnic one.

I am not challenging the acknowledgement of ethnicity. In no way am I advocating a “colour-blind” approach where we ignore the fact that a relationship is interracial. However, instead of romanticising this fact and making sweeping comments, actual intelligent discussion could be made. Just as I think it is important for individuals of mixed-heritage to talk about their social experience, I hold the same belief in regard to individuals in mixed relationships too. Observe my emphasis on the individuals. When we make over-expansive comments about couples that we do not know, we are taking away their voice. It is up to them if they wish to celebrate the interracial nature of their relationship, or communicate their experiences. It is not up to onlookers who reduce, simplify and often stereotype in their celebrating. I am starting to wonder if there is such thing as the “mono-ethnic gaze”.

In short, I haven’t disclosed any of the human inner-workings of my relationship, nor my parents’ relationship to you. You haven’t seen either couples interacting. So why are you telling me that we’re all so cute and beautiful? Oh yes that’s right, because you are reducing us to our ethnicities and thus see us merely as an expression of a romanticized cultural harmony. Well, we are more than our ethnicities and so too are our relationships.